I’m so sleepy today. At work I couldn’t get anything done—my head felt so foggy and I couldn’t concentrate on anything but my own self hate. I think it’s PMS. I started taking a higher dose of spironolactone and it’s making my skin crazy awful somehow, even though it’s meant to do the opposite. I wish I had more self confidence even when my skin is wrecked. It’s just wild how much my appearance still determines my mood. It’ll maybe be better when I can get my hair done.

Lucinda Williams really is the answer to all of life’s questions. It’s crazy that Car Wheels on a Gravel Road came out in 2006... (edit: Spotify has the 2006 reissue; the album originally came out in 1998!) it has such a timeless sound. But so do all her albums. Right now I’m listening to Happy Woman Blues, which (more or less) sums it up. Even when your life is going alright on the outside things can still feel fucked up and distant and melancholy. My favorite song on this record is probably Sharp Cutting Wings, with Happy Woman Blues and her zydeco style I Think I Lost It coming in second and third.

Two of our friends are out in Colorado right now, self-quarantining and waiting for NY to be a lot less scary. I know we’re lucky to be where we are, and more than anything I’m lucky to have a job, but I still wish I could be somewhere else all the time. I’m scared and I miss my family, but I know I’d be miserable if I was stuck down in New Orleans... even though that’s where my heart lives. 

“Your heart's on fire and your head is reeling
But with the spirit to guide you
And a friend beside you
You know you'll win
If you're only willing.”